Homer Simpson, the wisest men on earth!

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Homer no function beer well without.

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.

I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!

What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.

Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons, and Lisa doesn't get to go to college.

Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention for a moment... I would become a better public speaker.

I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?

Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun